Tesco: Chinese Food in a Box

It's been ten days since my last post, and I already feel a sense of apprehension and dread coming back to this blog, as if it's already a project I've abandoned and this is a last ditch attempt to resurrect it from the barren wasteland that is the forgotten blogs bin of the internet.

But it's not. I have to remind myself of that. Not blogging for ten days is hardly abandonment, and I refuse to let this website fade away to be forgotten forever, because that completely defeats the point of making it - to work on my writing more and maybe share some local insights into a passion of mine.

Maybe I should invest in an actual domain name...paying money into something makes you more likely to use it, right? My Netflix account isn't so sure about that...

Anyway, one of the reasons I haven't been blogging is simply, I haven't really eaten out at any Eastern Asian places lately. That's not to say I haven't eaten any, but it's mostly been limited to Tesco's idea of Chinese food, and instant ramen (which is actually delicious and is going to get its own blog post because OH MY GOD WHY HAS IT TAKEN ME SO LONG TO DISCOVER THIS???).

I wasn't sure people would be interested in a review of supermarket boxed Chinese food, but then, its affordable, East Asian food in Scotland, so maybe I should. Maybe, if it's any good, I could encourage people to check it out - to leave their initial scepticism at the door and just try it.

Yup. Those were some lofty ambitions. So I ate the supermarket boxed Chinese food, and I wrote down some notes, and yeah, it was as you all probably expected - pretty shite.

You can't fault Tesco for trying though - everything smelled great, and had I not been someone who eats authentic Chinese food at every possible opportunity, it probably would have been fairly decent. But I'm not, so it wasn't.

The meal was one of Tesco's Boxed Meals for 2, priced at £7.50, so definitely affordable. You can get a single main for that at most restaurants and take-aways, with maybe a side as well at some of the cheaper ones, so to be able to purchase two mains (chicken chow mein and sweet and sour chicken), egg fried rice, spring rolls and prawn crackers for that little is pretty sweet, taste notwithstanding.

The chow mein was...disappointing. Chow mein is one of my favourite Chinese dishes, so it's always a highlight when people get it right, and a huge let down when they get it wrong. Well Tesco...you got it wrong. The fact that it was a pre-cooked and frozen dish was obvious, as the veg hadn't thrived in the freezer, and that frozen taste still lingered a little throughout the dish. There were way too many mushrooms, no beansprouts (c'mon, a chow mein with no beansprouts!?), and the sauce didn't taste authentic at all. My issue with the noodles is a personal one - they were a little too thin and stringy for me, but otherwise alright. The chicken, however, was actually pretty good for a ready meal. Still tender, and had a good taste.

The sweet and sour chicken was a mild improvement on the chow mein. Unlike chow mein, I can't say it's a favourite dish of mine (I'm a savoury kinda gal through and through), but the chicken, veg and pineapple all tasted fine. My only complaint is that the sauce tasted kind of buttery (?) at points, which was weird and a little off-putting.

The egg fried rice was crap, as all ready meal rice is, in my personal opinion. Too stiff and bland, and I hated the peas.

The springs rolls were one thing I was looking forward to, as they're kind of hard to fuck up, but Tesco somehow managed it. Filled with a ginger and soya mush, they lacked any texture and were very chewy. Plus they were tiny. 💔

FINALLY, the be all and end all of Chinese food: the prawn crackers. (I'm joking.) Did you know prawn crackers aren't even eaten as part of a meal in China? They're a snack food, and even then, are more associated with Indonesia and Malaysia than China. So I find it interesting that takeaways over here have adopted them as a side - food culture is fascinating, huh? Anyway, these were pretty good, as far as prawn crackers go. They're certainly not the worst I've had, and were actually mildly addictive as I finished the entire bag, much to my boyfriend's chagrin (sorry, not sorry bbz).

So there you go. A filling, if pretty uninspiring Chinese meal that you can get for cheap at your local Tesco. If you can't afford a takeaway and want something vaguely Chinese shaped then I guess it works? But in my opinion you'd be better off making your own or whipping up something out of a jar.

(Or better yet - eat some instant ramen. I'm getting super ready to rave about that in my next post so watch this space.)

© Photos by A Scottish Dumpling